


Hologram Words

by Bou



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (did I say lowkey I meant highkey), 5 Times, Angst, Gen, Keith (Voltron)-centric, lowkey sheith, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 02:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12784521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bou/pseuds/Bou
Summary: Five times Keith used his trial suit, the one time he didn't.





	1. Chapter 1

To think that someone would care about him was a stupid thought. He’d reminded himself relentlessly over the couple of nights he’d stayed on the Marmora base.

To think that they’d want him to stay was an even dumber thought. But he would imagine, maybe hope, that the others were reluctant in letting him leave. Yet they showed none of it and they let him leave with the most gracious smiles, as if to say that they’d be fine without him, perhaps better off.

So he left knowing they’d be fine. They’ll be safe and that’s all he needed to know to stay happy.

But during nights when Kolivan didn’t require his presence or when there were no important missions, he’d sit and hopelessly watch the others perform in their hilarious shows. He laughed as they skated into the stadium, and shamelessly snorted as the noodle alien versions of Zarkon and Haggar made their appearance. 

During their shows, the lights would focus on each paladin, shining on them brightly as if to say, "Look at Lance, rope dancing from the Red Lion’s mouth. Then look at Hunk, blasting away Galra drones. Pidge on the side, hacking the empire’s interface, and Allura keeping guard. Then Shiro, their hero that’d lead the day. That’s all of them." And all that they need, no room for the unnecessary.

Still, it would be nice of them to feature the Blade of Marmora in their show.

_Shit, no, that’s dumb_ , he thought. The Blades are a secret organization, to exploit them in the show would be exploiting their secret weapon. It was a selfish desire of his, nothing more.

Yet he continued to longingly watch in his own agony. As the shows progressed, and as their smiles became more genuine throughout each one, he wished to be smiling on the stage with them. He was never one for the spotlight, he never appreciated it, no, but if he could be happy with them, he wouldn’t mind it. But they never really called, never asked if he’d like to partake in one of their skits. And if they didn’t need him, then he’d be fine.

He stopped watching, it only brought wistful thinking and he had no time for that. Time was of an essence, especially during a cruel and an overwhelmingly one sided ten-thousand-year-old war. His mind couldn’t indulge in the fantasies of how things used to be, of when he didn’t have the burden of his heritage, or when Shiro hadn’t gone missing. Yet, in the comforts of his temporary room, he’d wear his trial suit, allowing his imagination to create the holograms of his team.

“Keith,” Shiro would mutter. “We miss you so much.”

“We need you back in Voltron,” Pidge said. “We can’t function without you.”

“I baked some cookies, they’re your favorite flavor,” Hunk said. “You should come back to try some of them.”

“Yeah man, even I miss your ugly mullet,” Lance smiled.

“Please, Keith,” Allura said.

He laughed, then sobbed, knowing he willingly left his only home.


	2. Chapter 2

He allowed himself the pleasure of speaking with the paladins, but only during important briefing calls.

“Hey Keith!” Pidge shouted in the call.

“Nice to see you again, Pidge,” he replied with a forced smile, or smirk (if forcing a smirk were possible).

“How’s the Blade of Marmora treating you?” Shiro asked.

“All the same,” he laughed. “Knowledge or death as always.” He inwardly cringed at his attempt with small talk.

“So, what’s the sitch?” Lance asked.

“We found out that Lotor’s quintessence line is heading towards and we think it’s Daibazaal.”

“Do you know why he might be there?” Shiro asked.

And he continued with new information on Galran activity and their future missions. Normal conversations were scarce and close to nonexistent, these quick calls of information were all that he had and all that he needed.

“I wish I could talk with you guys more,” he said.

“Aw, Keithy-poo missing us?” Lance taunted.

“Lance,” Shiro said. “Don’t mind him Keith, he misses you as much as the rest of us.”

“Yeah. You’re missing out on some crazy good peanut butter cookies, by the way,” Hunk said.

“I wish I could be there to try some.”

“Oh, Keith. If you’d really like, you could always come back,” Allura suggested. “We miss you so much as well and--”

“Keith.” The holograms abruptly disappeared as Kolivan called his name, outside of his room.

He sighed, “Yes?”

“We have our next mission, we’ll need to go over the layout at five hundred. Meet at the deck.”

“Yes.”

For a moment, he felt relieved that Kolivan interrupted him and the holograms. But he felt the urge to start it up again, relive his wish of being wanted. He wished to be next to them again, fight along side them, to no longer feel utterly lost in the vast depths of space.

Seeing the team fight, or learning about their most recent victories proved that they were doing well. They’re doing fine. Yet no matter how many times he’d repeat that he’s happy that they’re well off without him, his throat would burn with his dishonesty. He was miserable.

He peeled off the suit from his skin, feeling the cold air hit his skin. And in the cold air of his room, he changed into the unforgiving marmora uniform. This path he chose would be one he could never take back, Voltron wouldn’t have him back on the team and they didn’t need him.

“We miss you,” repeated in his head all while doing so.

 _Only if they did_ , he thought.

If he’d burn the damn suit, maybe these stupid thoughts would disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everytime I write, I keep second guessing myself.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m sorry,” he said, because everyone was expecting something; most likely an apology for his ‘reckless’ act.

“Keith, I don’t know if you understand how dangerous that move you pulled out there was,” Shiro lectured him in front of everyone, to his humiliation. He would prefer it if Shiro would leave this conversation for another time.

“I’m sorry that I put myself in danger,” he said. “But it was the only option left. None of the rebel ships could penetrate the shield and the Galran fighter jet was the only thing that could.”

No one replied.

_Because it’s the truth_ , he thought.

“Keith, either way, you shouldn’t have risked your life like that,” Allura said and everyone else nodded their heads in agreement. “You are an important asset to the coalition and we cannot risk to lose you. Don’t ever do that again.”

“I’m sorry,” he said it again. That was all he had to say.

“Keith, wait,” Pidge said, but he didn’t hear her after the door shut behind him.

He walked out into the castle’s hallway. To him, he left the conversation right, justly. He didn’t do anything severely wrong; just a smidge of self sacrifice, that’s all. (isn’t it normal, especially during war?) He didn’t want to end his life there, but he believed that he should put his life into some good use when necessary.

He kept walking, thinking about rebuttals upon rebuttals. He thought of ways he could’ve ended that conversation differently until he reached his room.

His old room.

Of course, it wasn’t any conscious decision of his, it was nothing but a habit. Still, he felt that this was the time to step inside and reminisce about his red paladin past. He wouldn’t have time after he leaves.

But, when he walked it, it was devoid of any part of himself. No clothes, no photos, nothing left behind except the twin sized bed and the walls concealing it. Just like he had left it.

He turned away from the room, letting its doors close from his absence.

Maybe he should’ve stayed to discuss further, to resolve his conflicting feelings with them. He’d spent too long brooding in silence, venting his despair to holograms conjured by his weak imagination. A desire grew deep within him to urge himself back inside the castle lounge and apologize for his sudden flight. Apologize for leaving so quickly, then tell them how much he missed them, longed for their company in the cold nights inside the Marmoran ship.

But he left to the Marmora ship immediately after.

_I shouldn’t have left,_ he thought. _I should’ve listened to them, my actions were reckless._

“If you know it, then why did you do it?” Shiro asked.

“I had no other choice.”

“Think about the universe, Keith. You were about to abandon it for your own selfish desires.”

“I was only trying to help get rid of the shield,” he said. “I wasn’t-- it wasn’t selfish.”

“What if Lotor wasn’t there to save you, Keith?” Shiro asked.

He looked up to meet Shiro’s forbidding eyes, frustration and disappointment seeped from his stance.

“I would be dead.”

“Yet you did it,” Shiro stated. “This is why you’re unfit to stay in Voltron, Keith.”

“I--”

“You act on your own judgement, you’re impulsive, hot-headed,” Shiro paused. “I really believed in you, Keith. I don’t understand what went wrong.”

He sat speechless. When did his fire burn out?

“I must’ve been out of my mind,” Shiro shook his head to his dismay. “What was I thinking-- to appoint you the leader.”

And Shiro left him, letting the doors shut loudly behind him.

He took off the suit an hour later.


	4. Chapter 4

The coalition grew a considerable amount after obtaining Naxzela in their last major battle. They  gained formidable allies and obtained new sources of material as they liberated the remaining Galra-infested planets left on their side.

“We’re having a diplomatic ball soon. We would like for you to attend, Keith,” Allura said.

“Yeah, and we’re going to get super nice clothes and stuff to wear,” Hunk said. “There’s a super extensive closet inside the castle-- Pidge and I found it recently.”

“I’m obviously going to look the best. You better get ready to get your ass kicked in the good looks category,” Lance strutted a quick pose. 

“I’m sure everyone will look great, except you Lance,” he jabbed.

“So,” Shiro interrupted before Lance could retort, “Should we expect you at the ball?”

“Uh, yeah,” he nodded, but looked away from the screen(shiro.) “I’ll be there, is there anything else I need to know?”

“We’re going to have a DJ,” Pidge excitedly stated. “Make sure you send me your favorite songs!”

“Pidge,” Lance whined. “Keith’s only gonna send MCR songs.”

“Maybe I should,” he said in spite of Lance’s taunt.

“You better not--”

“Can’t wait to see you there, Keith!” Coran shouted over Lance.

“Don’t forget to message me!” Pidge exclaimed, ending the call.

Lance walked over to him as the screen disappeared into nothingness.

“Should you go?” Lance asked, resurfacing their conversation before the sudden call. “Let’s face it, you’re not good at socializing and you’ll probably end up fighting one of the guests.”

He ignored the hologram’s presence.

“Come on, you know something's gonna go wrong if you attend.”

“Why am I doing this to myself,” he mumbled. 

Lance forcefully stopped his hands from taking off his suit.

“Don’t run away from this, Keith. You need to accept it.” 

“I’m not running away,” he said, pulling his hands away from Lance’s grasp.

“Yes, you are. You know it, Keith!” Lance exclaimed. “You shouldn’t go, you’ll ruin it for the team-- for the coalition.”

“I won’t, I--”

“Shut it. God, why are you so stubborn,” Lance turned the communication system back on and dialed the team. “Tell them you won’t attend.”

“No--”

“Keith?” Coran answered, the others looked in curiosity. 

“Tell them.”

“Uh, hey,” he faced the screen.

“Why the sudden call?” Lance asked.

He swallowed, eyes fluttering, “Sorry but, I can’t attend.”

“Wait, what? Why?” Hunk asked.

“Kolivan said we have another mission and it’s really important.”

“What is it for?” Shiro questioned.

“It’s,” he hesitated. “For a black market in a hostile galaxy selling quintessence, we need to find out where all of it’s headed.”

“Are you sure you have to go? We were looking forward to seeing you at the ball,” Allura said.

“Can’t another blade member go in your place?” Lance asked.

“I’m sorry,” he looked at their disappointed expressions. “It’s really important. Kolivan said I have to go.”

“It’s okay, Keith,” Shiro said. “We understand your circumstances.”

“Wish you could come, though,” Pidge said. “We haven’t seen you for so long.”

“I wish I could go. Sorry, about all this.”

“No worries, man,” Hunk said. “We’ll just have another day when we can all meet again.”

“Yeah,” he smiled.  “Thanks for understanding.” 

“No problemo,” Lance shot finger guns at him. “See you soon, mullet-man.”

“See you guys later,” he chuckled as he quickly shut off the call.

“It wasn’t so hard, was it?” Lance asked.

“This isn’t what I wanted,” he said. 

“But you lied like it was nothing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol this is super self indulgent..


	5. Chapter 5

His father emerged from the dark corners of his room. 

“Keith,” his husky voice radiated through the room.

“Dad?” 

His father chuckled at his confused expression, “Why’re you surprised?”

“I, uh, didn’t expect you to be the one to show up.”

“Who were you expecting?”

“Someone from the team— from Voltron, maybe,” he muttered.

“Why would you expect them?” his father questioned. “Out of everyone else, that’s definitely the last bunch I’d expect.”

“What do you mean?”

“Keith, why do this…” the older man gestured at his own body, “When you could meet the team anytime you’d like?”

“I can’t. They’re too busy and I don’t want to distract them. I already messed up things even when I was in the team." 

The man huffed at his response, “How do you know the team thinks that?

“They told me—“

“They told you that they’re there for you whenever you need them.”

He sends a doubtful look, but his father tosses it away, pulling him into a tight hug. “What if they didn’t mean it.”

“You know they meant it, you’re just afraid to admit.”

“What happens if I admit I’m afraid.”

“You won’t need this anymore,” he patted his back.

“What if I don’t want to.”

_ To what? _

“You’re gonna have to if you wanna move on.”

Keith pulled out of the hug. His father only held on for a lingering second before stepping back.

“I’m scared.”

“I know.”

He vanished, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith threw the suit out the air lock.
> 
> "Bye, dad."


	6. Chapter 6

Keith hated many things, one being his tendency to fight and another being his sour, unlikeable attitude. But that attitude only existed to keep away all too friendly people, fake people who only wanted attention, and people who wanted to ruin him.   
  
“If you reached out to us more often, maybe we could help you.”   
  
Keith turned to look at Shiro, “If I did, I’d be a nuisance.”    
  
“Don’t talk like that, Keith. We all care about you.” I care about you   
  
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “It’s just-- I have a lot of walls up, don’t I?”   
  
“Yeah,” Shiro chuckled. “Took some time to get them down in the Garrison. And I don’t mind taking time to take them down again.”   
  
“You don’t have to.”   
  
“But I will,” Shiro placed a hand on his shoulder. “Keith, I know you wore your trial suit. No one else knew, so don’t worry, but why?”   
  
“It’s embarrassing.”   
  
“I’ll still listen.”   
  
“...It’s because I felt lonely, I guess.”   
  
“Oh, Keith--”   
  
“No,” he held his hand up. “It’s not your guys’ fault. I was just too afraid to talk to everyone again after I left.”   
  
“We still should’ve called you.”   
  
“No, you guys were busy with your shows and I didn’t want to distract anyone. I still don’t want to distract you guys. If I needed to talk to you guys then I should’ve called. This isn’t anyone’s fault except mine.”   
  
Keith let the silence linger between them. At the very least, it was a comfortable silence.    
  
“Trust us more, Keith,” Shiro looked at him and Keith didn’t look away. “Shows or fights aren’t worth more than spending time with you.”   
  
“The universe is more important than my silly problems, Shiro.”   
  
“Well I don’t think fighting is more important in the universe but I’m still here. Fighting.”   
  
“We’re fighting for the universe.”   
  
“Your problems are worth solving as much as the universe is worth fighting for.”  Keith lingered in silence, unaware of the answer marked clearly on his face.   
  
Shiro stood up from his side to give him a bad rendition of a noogie. "Talk to us. We've always here."   
  
He looked up and smiled, "Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey did you know I'm desperate for comments.


End file.
